An Organized Divorce is a less stressful one

An Organized Divorce is a less stressful one

Divorce is naturally a very sad ending to what obviously started off as a positive pairing of two people who loved each other deeply. If there is no hope and all other options applicable to you have failed, here are some tips on how to best get through what will be a challenging and character-building experience

Before Filing for Divorce

Even if you are just considering a divorce it’s prudent to assess your financial situation. If you are not already aware of all the in’s and out’s, then it’s high time you found out by looking at the relevant documents or if necessary speaking to your accountant.

Arming yourself with a decent sized notebook is one of the first things you should do to make notes and jot down memories as they come to you for future reference.
If necessary make copies of past and current financial documents such as tax returns, banking records, real estate dealings and any other records relating to your assets.
Ask around to get a referral to some reputable lawyers. Do some research on the internet to arm yourself with as much knowledge in the area as possible.
Avoid conflict with you X as much as possible. Plan any discussions so that they happen in a neutral location.
If you and your spouse can have amicable discussions about settlement, begin pre-settlement negotiations. Start with a full disclosure of your income, assets, liabilities and expenses.
If divorce is imminent and you and your spouse can’t come to an agreement or if one of you is more in control the other go to the next step. If you are not on equal footing it is usually a waste of your time and energy trying to work out an agreement –save it for court.

Questions to ask your lawyer

As with anyone whom you are going to enter into a service agreement with, you need to feel comfortable with them and get a few basics sorted up-front so you are both on them same page. This will show you are to be respected and expect to be kept in the loop. Make it clear that you expect things to be done in a timely manner, as this is where some delays can occur if other cases are deemed more important than yours.

How long have you been practicing and what percentage of your work is in the family law area?
What’s your hourly rate?
Do you have other people who work on your cases? If so, what do you charge for their time.
What is the retainer amount? Is any refundable if we do not go through with the divorce?
What other types of charges is there likely be? (phone, photocopying etc.)
What is the usual process & time-line for a divorce?
What do I need to do to make sure things run smoothly?
What proportion of your divorce cases are resolved by trial compared to being settled beforehand?
After explaining the basics of your case ask what the best outcome that you can expect is. Not everyone will answer this question, as they will want to secure you as a client first. But the answer is very important to be able to effectively assess the settlement you are after.
Be assertive about getting an answer your questions and remember to be as specific as possible. The more specific you are, the more recourse you have in case they miss something and it will also keep them on their toes.

Divorce Filed and Pending

Once your case goes before the courts, it is the most trying time so try not to let it take over your normal life and make time to do things you enjoy to balance out the stress inherent in any court case.

If you have children be sure not to discuss proceedings and ‘or frustration towards your partner in front of them. This is harmful not matter what age they are.
Firstly one of you will have to file for divorce. The lawyer in question will file a petition together with the financial statements and other documents with the court.
Ask your lawyer to explain the time-line of events for a divorce case. Take notes.
Present any mediated or negotiated settlement proposals to your lawyer for comment. If you do not have an agreement, work with your lawyer to come up one.
Make sure you organize your paperwork & keep it up to date.
Take advice but be sure not to be swayed so that you are making your own decisions. Be open to new ideas and suggestions without turning control over to your lawyer. Work toward a settlement of your divorce. If settlement is impossible, agree on as many issues as possible and leave the remaining issues for court.
Think about your future and set some financial goals. If you were previously not a good saver, now is the time to be conscious of your spending.; create a budget and stick to it, saving as much as you can for that rainy day and your financial future.

Post-Divorce Organization

This is often the messy part physically and emotionally and where you must not relax with your record keeping. Keep using the notebook you purchased solely to use for the divorce. Buy a new one if that one is full, making sure you keep it as you may need it for future reference. Counseling is often a good idea to make sure you are complete with what has happened and the demise of the relationship. Family counseling with your and your children may also be needed.

Organize the appropriate paperwork to finalize transfer of ownership of assets. Make sure any accounts with both your names on them are closed or your spouses name is officially taken off. Triple check this has been done properly.
Keep copies of any support payments & keep an ongoing record of the payments. Make sure all the necessary documentation has been done if payments are going to be made by a wage assignment or through the courts.
Think ahead to when there may be any alterations to the child support you receive and be on top of the paperwork necessary to make sure this happens when it is supposed to.

Get on with your life and be sure not to let a bad divorce continue to effect you even if your partner has been less than admirable about the way they handled it. Rise above it to make way for a more balanced future relationship. Remember that when you point the finger of blame at someone, there are actually three fingers pointing back towards yourself. Self-reflection is never a bad idea for anyone’s personal development.